July 12, 2005

And another quickie courtesy of Fark

And then there's this crap, which is kind of an update to this old post. I agree with the Chinese that what the Japanese did was despicable and they should own up to it. But no Chinese citizen has the right to demand this until they throw off their vile government and confess to the horrible things their country has been doing for the last half-century.

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June 29, 2005

And since Zimbabwe was soooo yesterday, we've got a new one

Oh, my. This is rich, right here.

Perplexed by the vitriol of US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's attacks on Iran, one lawmaker believes he has uncovered the secret of her enmity -- that she was spurned by an Iranian boyfriend at college.

Excuse me while I chuckle.


Okay, now that that's out of the way- pray tell, just what is causing her hatred of North Korea? She got dumped in high school, maybe?

Gosh, up until now I would've just said that Iran and North Korea are the last two dictatorships in the Axis of Evil. But then, what the heck do I know, I'm not a member of the Iranian Parliament.

"The reason that the US secretary of state attacks Iran is because she had her heart broken by a young man from Qazvin while they were students," a confident Shokrollah Attarzadeh was quoted by the ISNA agency as saying.

"Confident" in this case meaning "The Ayatollah said it so it must be true"?

Somewhat mysteriously, he added: "This is the result of an investigation by a woman MP, who cannot be named."

"She cannot be named, because we made her up out of thin air. We didn't get around to making up a name for her yet, sorry."

C'mon, stupid little countries. Do you actually think anybody believes you? Hey, add Iran to my list of countries that... oh, wait, it's already on the list. Bump it up a notch.

Hat tip: Fark. (Why does the most blogworthy news always come from Fark?)

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June 28, 2005

Today's Moonbatted World Leader Award™ Goes To...

...Robert Mugabe.

A state-run newspaper in Zimbabwe has suggested the UK and US are to blame for droughts in southern Africa.

A "state-run newspaper". We're off to a great start. Mr. Li'l Kim, pay attention.

The Herald said climate change has been artificially induced "in a bid to arm-twist the region to capitulate to the whims of the world's superpowers".

No, when we want to "twist your arm" we bomb the crap out of you and occupy your country. Haven't you been paying attention?

Not that that would be a bad idea for Mugabe. I'd say a little regime change is in order, just on general principle.

It said weather was being manipulated for political gain using unspecified "unconventional" chemical weapons.

Did he talk to the "scientific sources" who said that we caused the earthquake/tsunami last year? "Project DESTINI is a go!"

It is widely seen as a mouthpiece for President Robert Mugabe's government, correspondents say.

Well, that's what "freedom of the press" means in dictatorese.

It said recent droughts, which defied predictions by the Zimbabwean government and the Southern African Development Community's Drought Monitoring Centre, pointed to the possibility of the weather being manipulated for political purposes.

Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. I mean, whoever heard of drought or famine in Africa before Chimpy Imperialist came along? It just never happened.

"The overt and covert machinations by Zimbabwe's former colonial ruler Britain, which has declared its intentions to effect illegal regime change in Harare, have given credence to the conspiracy theory," the paper said.

Geez. Even they admit it's a conspiracy theory. I guess they failed to realize that "conspiracy theory" and "outlandish, insane paranoia" go hand in hand.

It said that the US Famine Early Warning System had predicted famine in Zimbabwe six months before it occurred.


Uh, that's not that hard.

"Hmm, looks like that part of Africa is gonna have a dry season this year, based on all this historical data and all these nifty weather-predicting gadgets we have." What, are they gonna start going after the National Hurricane Center the next time Florida gets pummeled? "They said it would happen, and it happened! They must've created it!!!"

Anyway, it seems to me like the "Famine Early Warning System" would do... well... read their name, genius. What do you think they do?

"The prediction, which was the exact opposite of other forecasts, seems to confirm that the conspiracy to remove the Zimbabwean government has gone chemical."

"We consulted the witch doctor, and he said The Bones™ called for rain! The Americans must be wrong!"

Zimbabwe is currently facing a food crisis and the country urgently needs to import 1.2 million tonnes of food to avoid famine.

We should trade it to them in exchange for the head of Mugabe.

Correspondents say the crisis is complex with erratic rains, disastrous economic policies, land reform and the spread of HIV/Aids all playing a part.

"Disastrous economic policies"... at least they came kinda close to saying "If Africans were free, this crap wouldn't happen so often."

Oh yeah, and add Zimbabwe to the list of countries that piss me off. I'm tellin' you, once the Democracy Dominoes™ sweep through Africa, they won't have these problems any more.

Hat tip: Fark

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June 22, 2005

Mr. Li'l Kim babbles on

Okee dokee... now it's our fault that North Korea is a hostile little punk of a country.

...I can't wait to hear Kimberly's explanation of this one.

North Korea said Wednesday it would not need nuclear weapons if the United States treated it like a friend, as the isolated nation joined South Korea for high-level reconciliation talks.

Dude, we already called you "Mr."- what more do you want? A dozen red roses?

The bilateral meeting was shadowed by the international standoff over the North's nuclear ambitions.

"If the United States treats the North in a friendly manner, we will possess not one nuclear weapon," the North Korean delegation said, according to Kim Chun-shick, spokesman for the South Koreans.

That sounded like it was worded carefully. "We will possess not one nuclear weapon- but we might possess a few of them! Ha ha! Stupid American!"

The statement echoed a pledge by North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, who met Friday with visiting South Korean Unification Minister Chung Dong-young and said Pyongyang could return to international nuclear disarmament talks as soon as next month if it gets appropriate respect from Washington.

Like I said... we draw the line at "Mr." No more respect. That's all you get.

I think Mr. Li'l Kim has been listening to a few too many Democrat politicians. He's starting to believe that everything is America's fault.

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June 03, 2005

Very well, it'll be Mister Li'l Kim from now on

Hey, it turns out if you call psychotic dictators "Mr." they just warm right up to you!

North Korea gave rare praise to President Bush on Friday, welcoming his use of the honorific "Mr." when referring to leader Kim Jong Il and saying the softened tone could lead to its return to nuclear arms talks.

That's it? All we had to do was call him "Mister"? Man, think of all the things we could've avoided with that little bit of information!

Bush: "Mr. Hussein, you need to stop gassing your citizens and invading other countries."

Saddam: "Oh, very well, since you called me 'Mister'. In fact, I'll step down. Iraq is getting boring."


Roosevelt and Churchill: "Mr. Hitler, instead of us sending all our soldiers to France to drive you out, would you just leave instead?"

Hitler: "Why, sure, fellas! All I wanted was a little respect!"

Man, the possiblilites are endless.


"It's a matter of continuing to send a message to Mr. Kim Jong Il that if you want to be accepted by the neighborhood and be a part of ... those who are viewed with respect in the world, work with us to get rid of your nuclear weapons program," Bush said.

One tiny act of diplomacy. How strange. Ten bucks says Bush didn't even mean to say it that way. Any takers?

The North said Friday that it had noted Bush was reported as "politely addressing our headquarters of revolution," a reference to Kim.

Politely addressing our headquarters of revolution... What a strange way to say "make the nicey with our boss."

Hmm... nope, my way was pretty strange too. Y'know, for a guy who makes his living being just as horrible as he can be, he sure is hung up on respect. Short man complex flaring up again, no doubt.

"We will closely follow if his remarks would not change day and night as this happened in the past," the spokesman said.

Nope, screw you guys, sorry. Tomorrow you're back to being just plain ol' Kim Jong Il. No "Mr." That was a one-time deal.

Oh, what the heck, it's working so well. We'll make an exception.


The softer tone Friday from the North came a day after Pyongyang called Vice President Dick Cheney a "bloodthirsty beast" and said his recent comment that Kim was an "irresponsible" leader was another reason for it to stay away from the nuclear talks.

Hey, that's Mr. Bloodthirsty Beast to you!

This week, the North also took a personal swipe at Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, using language laced with insults to imply she was controlling the White House. In the past, Pyongyang has also called Bush a "political imbecile" and "half-baked man."

The North has demanded an apology for Rice labeling the country one of the world's "outposts of tyranny" earlier this year.

Denied. But from now on we will refer to it as "Mr. Kim's Outpost of Tyranny." Better?

Also Friday, the North again asked for the U.S. to make a "bold decision to withdraw the remark ... to remove the biggest hurdle lying in the way of resuming the six-party talks."

Um, the biggest hurdle to the six-party talks is you... Mr. Li'l Kim.

Well, to show solidarity and good faith, we here at SITYSK™ will call him "Mr. Li'l Kim" from now on. This should also avoid confusion with the rapper of the same name.

More on Mr. Li'l Kim

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May 25, 2005

Pardon me while I chuckle, Oh Poofy One

And in other things that are not really "new"s:

North Korea says it won't rule out pre-emptive strikes.

First: Oh, you mean like this? We're fully aware that you don't have a problem invading other countries, Li'l Kim. Can I call Kim Jong-Il "Li'l Kim" or will the real Li'l Kim sue me? Anyway, Li'l Kim, your daddy already invaded South Korea once, and we're still at the border, waiting for you to act up.

Second: You don't have to brag. It doesn't make you any less laughable.

Third: Did Li'l Kim just insinuate that the U.S. liberating Iraq from a tyrannical dictator (kind of like Li'l Kim, actually) was equivalent to the PRicKs invading and enslaving South Korea?

Well, he is pretty moonbattish. I guess that somehow makes sense to him.

Doesn't North Korea remind you of that little dude on a basketball court with no skills? No, not me, I'm aware of the fact that I can't play ball and don't pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm talking about that little punk who tries to compensate for his flaws by having an annoying attitude and a serious case of short-man complex. Just making himself look like a pure fool, and nobody buys it except him.

That's Li'l Kim. "I'm bad! Lookit all my guns! I'm making nuclear weapons! All y'all are scared of me! My people love me! You believe me, right? ...Right?"

So... altogether now, all Readers of the SITYSK™: We will have a collective guffaw at the gumption of the world's leading PRicK. Ready- on three- one, two, three!


SIDE NOTE: Hmm. How much y'all wanna bet that in the next few days I have a crapload of hits from people looking for pictures of Li'l Kim? Heh.

UPDATE: Oh, this is just too funny. It would appear that "Little" Kim does, in fact, suffer from the Short-Man Complex™.

Maybe this explains his *short* temper?
Or all of his *short*comings?
And to steal one from Shrek: "Men of Farquaad'sLi'l Kim's stature are in *short* supply."

UPDATE, 3 JUN: It would appear that from now on he's Mister Poofy One, or as he shall be known henceforth, "Mr. Li'l Kim".

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April 15, 2005

With a triple hat tip to Fark

Lots of stupidity going on in the world today. Fark's all over it.

Stupidity Number One:

A radio talk-show host, who was hired to tell the truth, has been fired for telling the truth. [1 , 2]

Now, I've never heard of Marty Minto, and the story doesn't go into too much detail. But it's pretty obvious that this guy is a Christian, who, as a pastor and radio personality, does his best to tell it like it is. Sounds to me like somebody asked him an honest question and he gave an honest answer. I didn't read anywhere that he said, "No! Pope evil! Him burn! Sinead was right! Arrrrr!!!"

Um, no. Not really. Sounds to me like that radio station is overcome by PC Nazis. If you're that desperate to not offend anyone, you shouldn't run talk radio programs. Especially Christian ones- okay, they were worried about losing some Catholic listeners- what about the millions of atheists/ agnostics/ Muslims/ Hindus/ Wiccans/ insert your religion here? Think you already alienated them, sorry. Canning this guy just proves how PC you all are at this station. Pastor Minto, I recommend a lawsuit. Clear-cut case of wrongful termination.

Stupidity Number The Next One:

It hurts people to be executed by lethal injection.






Oh. That's it. It hurts them? Um...


Check this out:

Without adequate anaesthesia, the authors say, the person being executed would experience asphyxiation, a severe burning sensation, massive muscle cramping and cardiac arrest - which would constitute the “cruel and unusual” punishment expressly forbidden by the US constitution’s Eighth Amendment.
klaxons blare


Let's go over this a-gain. "Cruel and unusual punishment" is the rack. Crucifixion. Being drawn and quartered. Impalement. Being forced to listen to Barbara Streisand. And my personal favorite, The Death of a Thousand Cuts.

The Eighth Amendment does not cover not having cable TV in your cell, not being allowed to eat your favorite food in jail, and in this case, some very short-lived pain. It may be dreadful pain, even excruciating. It is not, however, cruel or unusual. Excruciating pain has happened to me a few times. We in the Army call it getting smoked. Very excruciating pain has happened to my wife three times, so far. She calls it "having a kid". Death row inmates shouldn't be complaining. The fact that the government pays somebody to a) waste a perfectly good alcohol swab disinfecting your arm and b) at least try to get it in a vein, instead of just jabbing you in the nearest convenient body part and letting your bloodstream do the work, pretty much covers any whiny argument about "Eighth Amendment rights".

Head Moonbat Koniaris also had these things to say:

“My impression is that lethal injection as practiced in the US now is no more humane than the gas chamber or electrocution, which have both been deemed inhumane,”
“But when you look at it critically, it’s anything but medical,” he says. “It’s a perverted medical practice.”
Really? Deemed inhumane? Prove it. I've never heard that. I say we go back to hangin' and the firing squad- neither of which are the least bit "cruel" or "unusual". The same can be said of The Chamber™ and The Chair™. Moron.

As far as it being a "medical practice"- who thinks it's a medical practice? If it was, the Hippocratic Oath would prevent the execution from taking place. (Unless you live in Florida and have a corrupt judge on your side.) It is an administeration of death- ugly, yes, but necessary. Just because someone uses a syringe doesn't make what they're doing a medical practice. I'm sure heroin addicts would be interested to learn that they're acting as a physician every time they shoot up.

But then he says he's not against the death penalty. Oh. I'm sorry, I don't believe you.

That's enough stupidity out of you. Let's move on.

Stupidity Number The Last One:

Mexican government snubs nose at America, Part 52

Just how much more obviously anti-American can you get? I don't have much to add to this one, but at the advice of the Blogododecahedron Overlord, I'll make a neat little bulleted list.

• You make a pamphlet that shows your citizens the best way to invade America.

• You threaten law-abiding American citizens with international sanctions.

• You demand that the American government comply with its own laws, which you flagrantly violate every chance you get.

• You fail to reciprocate those same laws on your own citizens.

• As a matter of fact, you do the exact opposite.

• You make me mad.

• Piss off.

Geez, you'd think they were worried that we were going to invade, or something.


Isn't it about time we annexed some more crap from Mexico? That's an age-old American pasttime. Let's go for Cancun and Acapulco this time.

Act right, Mexico. You're the winner of the "Country That Is Getting Way Too Big For Its Britches" award, and the fastest-rising star on the List of Countries That Piss Me Off. China better watch out.

That's enough stupidity. My head hurts.

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April 13, 2005

Asian people are so cute when they're angry

No offense meant by that title if you're an American of Asian descent. I'm referring to the actual continent of Asia, which is responsible for nearly every war in the last fifty years. In the words of Kyle (or was it Stan?)- "Asian culture has plagued our fragile planet for many years. We must end it." And then Mr. Garrison said, "Excellent. A-."

So anyway, it appears that China is getting all pissy with Japan. I'm not gonna bother to link, go to any major news website and you should be able to find all the latest. It's actually been going on for a few days, but I just heard about it this morning (hat tip to RWD, with the News Roundup). China wants Japan to 'fess up to all the mean nasty things they did in WWII. Japan wants China to shove it. And somehow the question of whether or not Japan should have a permament seat on the UN Security Council became a factor. Or maybe that's where it started.

Anywho. Let's take these issues one at a time. China is annoyed because some Japanese textbooks don't give enough reference to the atrocities committed by the Japanese during World War II. Now, this is probably a first, but I actually agree with the Chinese here. The Japanese managed to elevate themselves to "Super-Nasty" level between 1931 and 1945, and put themselves on par with Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Saddam, Kim Jong-Il, Castro, Pol Pot, and various past leaders of half the continent of Africa. Everyone knows about the Holocaust and the horrendous treatment the WWII-era Germans offered their prisoners. What is less well known is that aside from a handful of death camps, a prisoner of the Germans was much more likely to survive than one of the Japanese. The Nazis performed terrible human experiments- so did the Japanese. In some German POW camps the policy was "work 'em 'til they die, and don't bother to feed 'em too much while you're at it"- but this was standard policy throughout the Japanese Empire.

So. The Japanese during WWII were evil. Horribly, despicably evil. And the Chinese bore the brunt of Japanese atrocities. Eighty American airmen bomb Tokyo, and a handful make it to China? No problem, we'll slaughter two hundred thousand of your citizens, because those downed airmen might've received a little aid. We finally take your (then-)capital of Nanking? We'll rape every woman we see. And from what I understand, Japanese history basically shows that things were okay up until the 1930s, then in 1945 Americans starting bombing cities for no particular reason.

I don't know if that's true- I've never read a Japanese history book. But I don't doubt it. And if Japanese textbooks show a tragically misrepresented history, well, it's your country, bub- and if you think misleading your people for the honor of your ancestors or whatever is the way to go, well, okay. But I would just mention that showing your citizens only the parts you want them to know about is a tried-and-true method of many world leaders. Like Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Saddam, Kim Jong-Il, Castro, etc... see where this leads?

So I suppose the Chinese sort of have a valid gripe there. Accountability, and whatnot. "Goshdarnit, these dirty neighbors of ours did bad things to us, and we want them to admit it!" Okay. If they apologize, will it change anything? It'd be nice, sure, but will it really make you feel that much better?

But take into account just who's doing the griping here. C-H-I-N-A. In case you didn't know, the People'sWho are you trying to kid? RepublicEvil Commie Dictatorship has the dubious distinction of being my least-favorite country. If any country in the world has no right whatso-freaking-ever to complain about other people not being truthful, it's- um... well, the other "People's Republic", North Korea. But with Saddam no longer in charge of Iraq, China's a close second. These guys keep over a billion people in the dark as to the reality of their country, and the world. And you want Japan to tell the truth about something? Puh-lease. First let's have the Chinese government admit to the world that it's tyrannical, that its people have no freedom whatsoever, and while you're at it, tell us just how many of your citizens were murdered under Chairman Mao. Then maybe we can talk about some silly Japanese textbooks.

I mean, c'mon- what do you think Chinese textbooks say? "China has always been the bestest country ever, but man, when Chairman Mao came along with the Great Leap Forward, boy, we were on top of it then!" Please. Stupid Commies.

As far as the Security Council? Well, who cares? When John Bolton becomes Chancellor and Dictator-for-Life over the UN, it won't matter very much, will it? But since we live in an imperfect world, where the United Nations, sadly, still exists, I'll answer the question.

The permament seats on the UNSC are the US, the UK, Russia, France, and China- the five major nations that won WWII. Great. Whatever. The USSR and China should've been kicked off immediately for being dirty lying Commies. (I mean, yeah, sure, Stalin's soldiers did the vast majority of necessary killin' that led to the demise of the German Army. But when he enslaved Eastern Europe after promising democratic elections, we should've told him to stuff it. Better yet, we should've said, "How very Hitlerish of you.") Russia should've been given a skeptical look after '91, but then when they decided to take Saddam's side in 2002, they would've been kicked out again anyway, along with France. So right now the UNSC should be us and Britain. Period. Oh, and maybe Israel. As far as Japan- well, it certainly appears that the reasons for eligibility to the UNSC are obsolete. What the heck, let 'em in. At least they're a democracy. Yeah, whatcha got to say about that, China? Huh? Not talkin' too loud now, are ya?


Man, I hate Commies.

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