Stuff I Think You Should Know: Very well, it'll be <i>Mister</i> Li'l Kim from now on

3 Jun 05

Very well, it'll be Mister Li'l Kim from now on

Hey, it turns out if you call psychotic dictators "Mr." they just warm right up to you!

North Korea gave rare praise to President Bush on Friday, welcoming his use of the honorific "Mr." when referring to leader Kim Jong Il and saying the softened tone could lead to its return to nuclear arms talks.

That's it? All we had to do was call him "Mister"? Man, think of all the things we could've avoided with that little bit of information!

Bush: "Mr. Hussein, you need to stop gassing your citizens and invading other countries."

Saddam: "Oh, very well, since you called me 'Mister'. In fact, I'll step down. Iraq is getting boring."

...or...

Roosevelt and Churchill: "Mr. Hitler, instead of us sending all our soldiers to France to drive you out, would you just leave instead?"

Hitler: "Why, sure, fellas! All I wanted was a little respect!"

Man, the possiblilites are endless.

[snip]

"It's a matter of continuing to send a message to Mr. Kim Jong Il that if you want to be accepted by the neighborhood and be a part of ... those who are viewed with respect in the world, work with us to get rid of your nuclear weapons program," Bush said.

One tiny act of diplomacy. How strange. Ten bucks says Bush didn't even mean to say it that way. Any takers?

The North said Friday that it had noted Bush was reported as "politely addressing our headquarters of revolution," a reference to Kim.

Politely addressing our headquarters of revolution... What a strange way to say "make the nicey with our boss."

Hmm... nope, my way was pretty strange too. Y'know, for a guy who makes his living being just as horrible as he can be, he sure is hung up on respect. Short man complex flaring up again, no doubt.

"We will closely follow if his remarks would not change day and night as this happened in the past," the spokesman said.

Nope, screw you guys, sorry. Tomorrow you're back to being just plain ol' Kim Jong Il. No "Mr." That was a one-time deal.

Oh, what the heck, it's working so well. We'll make an exception.

[snip]

The softer tone Friday from the North came a day after Pyongyang called Vice President Dick Cheney a "bloodthirsty beast" and said his recent comment that Kim was an "irresponsible" leader was another reason for it to stay away from the nuclear talks.

Hey, that's Mr. Bloodthirsty Beast to you!

This week, the North also took a personal swipe at Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, using language laced with insults to imply she was controlling the White House. In the past, Pyongyang has also called Bush a "political imbecile" and "half-baked man."
The North has demanded an apology for Rice labeling the country one of the world's "outposts of tyranny" earlier this year.

Denied. But from now on we will refer to it as "Mr. Kim's Outpost of Tyranny." Better?

Also Friday, the North again asked for the U.S. to make a "bold decision to withdraw the remark ... to remove the biggest hurdle lying in the way of resuming the six-party talks."

Um, the biggest hurdle to the six-party talks is you... Mr. Li'l Kim.

Well, to show solidarity and good faith, we here at SITYSK™ will call him "Mr. Li'l Kim" from now on. This should also avoid confusion with the rapper of the same name.