...Robert Mugabe.
A state-run newspaper in Zimbabwe has suggested the UK and US are to blame for droughts in southern Africa.
A "state-run newspaper". We're off to a great start. Mr. Li'l Kim, pay attention.
The Herald said climate change has been artificially induced "in a bid to arm-twist the region to capitulate to the whims of the world's superpowers".
No, when we want to "twist your arm" we bomb the crap out of you and occupy your country. Haven't you been paying attention?
Not that that would be a bad idea for Mugabe. I'd say a little regime change is in order, just on general principle.
It said weather was being manipulated for political gain using unspecified "unconventional" chemical weapons.
Did he talk to the "scientific sources" who said that we caused the earthquake/tsunami last year? "Project DESTINI is a go!"
It is widely seen as a mouthpiece for President Robert Mugabe's government, correspondents say.
Well, that's what "freedom of the press" means in dictatorese.
It said recent droughts, which defied predictions by the Zimbabwean government and the Southern African Development Community's Drought Monitoring Centre, pointed to the possibility of the weather being manipulated for political purposes.
Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. I mean, whoever heard of drought or famine in Africa before Chimpy Imperialist came along? It just never happened.
"The overt and covert machinations by Zimbabwe's former colonial ruler Britain, which has declared its intentions to effect illegal regime change in Harare, have given credence to the conspiracy theory," the paper said.
Geez. Even they admit it's a conspiracy theory. I guess they failed to realize that "conspiracy theory" and "outlandish, insane paranoia" go hand in hand.
It said that the US Famine Early Warning System had predicted famine in Zimbabwe six months before it occurred.
...
Uh, that's not that hard.
"Hmm, looks like that part of Africa is gonna have a dry season this year, based on all this historical data and all these nifty weather-predicting gadgets we have." What, are they gonna start going after the National Hurricane Center the next time Florida gets pummeled? "They said it would happen, and it happened! They must've created it!!!"
Anyway, it seems to me like the "Famine Early Warning System" would do... well... read their name, genius. What do you think they do?
"The prediction, which was the exact opposite of other forecasts, seems to confirm that the conspiracy to remove the Zimbabwean government has gone chemical."
"We consulted the witch doctor, and he said The Bones™ called for rain! The Americans must be wrong!"
Zimbabwe is currently facing a food crisis and the country urgently needs to import 1.2 million tonnes of food to avoid famine.
We should trade it to them in exchange for the head of Mugabe.
Correspondents say the crisis is complex with erratic rains, disastrous economic policies, land reform and the spread of HIV/Aids all playing a part.
"Disastrous economic policies"... at least they came kinda close to saying "If Africans were free, this crap wouldn't happen so often."
Oh yeah, and add Zimbabwe to the list of countries that piss me off. I'm tellin' you, once the Democracy Dominoes™ sweep through Africa, they won't have these problems any more.
Hat tip: Fark
Army NCO Guy decided you should know this at 1558 | TrackBackGreat post! I'm back from vacation and ready to roll. I've got a petition for you to sign when you get a chance
Jay decided we should know this on 28 Jun 05 at 1653If we had the ability to manipulate the weather, I think we'd have more important things to do with it than mess with Zimbabwe -- or any other irrelevant little piss-ant country in Africa.
Which means that in addition to being a nutcase (for thinking we have the ability to manipulate the weather), Mugabe also has an ego problem (for thinking we'd waste that ability on him).
Tao Libra decided we should know this on 29 Jun 05 at 0730