4 Apr 05

Open letter to advertisers of pharmaceutical products

Fellas, I really don't need to hear the phrases "Side effects may include nausea, diarrhea, or constipation," and/or "People with urinary tract infections should not take [insert name of your stupid product here]," with my eggs and bacon in the morning. I like orange juice with eggs and bacon, not disgusting bodily functions.

I'm gathering that some bureaucrat lawyer decided that commercials for drugs should list all possible side effects, even if the chances of you getting cancer from your headache pill is 10 billion to one. Really, people, is this necessary? I'm sure the doctor that has to prescribe the stuff can give me all the gory details before I take it.

And on a related note, I wanna make a cough syrup that can cause severe vomiting, deterioration of stomach lining causing digestion of one's own body, uncontrolled urination, skin dehydration, bleeding of the lungs, and heart failure. Maybe then people will see how idiotic these commercials are.

Editor's note: Sorry if you read that last paragraph while eating your breakfast. But at least now you know how I feel.

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