Hat tip: Assumption of Command, via basil.
This is friggin' funny. We'll start with some samplings from Bama.
You Know You're From Alabama When...
You have a party or a barbeque whenever Alabama plays Auburn in football.
...or stay inside for fear of your life. The Iron Bowl gets vicious.
You would much rather visit Florida than California.
I wouldn't visit California if I lived in Reno, Nevada. I might get infected.
...then again, Florida's been pretty messed up lately too.
A soft drink isn't soda, cola, or pop, it's Coke.
Trying as hard as possible not to catch this habit. I've actually caught myself calling pop "soda" a couple times. Scary.
You call it a "buggy" and not a shopping cart.
Don't have any trouble calling a cart a cart, though.
You've said "fixin' to," "might could," or "usetacould" during the last week.
...
...what's weird 'bout that'ere? Y'ain't from 'round heah, izya?
You know the meaning of the phrase "Fobbed again."
Mwheh.
You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Opelika, Bayou La Batre, and Oneonta.
Yoo-FAL-a, Oh-puh-LIE-cah, BYE-yoo Luh-BAH-tra, and, uh... sorry, don't know the last one.
You know exactly what chitlins and mountain oysters are, and you know someone who eats them anyway.
The only person I know that eats chitlins is me wife. And she's from Chicago.
You think that people who complain about the humidity in other states are sissies.
Mwheh. Y'all ain't seen nuthin'...
Now, a few from the Motor City:
You Know You're From Detroit When...
You are mad about the Joe Louis Statue (the fist) in the middle of Jefferson.
Yeah!
You don't know the difference between winter white and summer white.
There's a difference?
You've had to drive a half a mile to make a left turn (The Michigan Left).
Oh, the horror. More on this further down.
You drink Faygo pop.
Faygo! Word!
You've been to the Festival in Hart Plaza.
Guilty.
The Cass Corridor is your jogging route.
Do I look suicidal to you?
You have a taste for coney dogs.
Worked at an A&W for two years.
You can dodge potholes without dropping your cell phone.
Couldn't make it through the city without this skill.
You know the given names of all the expressways.
Ooh, it's been a while. Let's see how many I can remember- the Fisher, the Ford, um, Southfield... er... sorry, that's it. It's been almost a decade, folks.
You know Eminem and Kid Rock are not actually from Detroit, but Warren (a suburb) and a small farm town.
A "small farm town"?! Romeo has a name, people!!!
...and ICP is from friggin' Southfield!
You have ridden the People Mover.
Fifty cents takes you all around downtown. Cobo, the RenCen, I think Hart Plaza... I still remember Greektown is Stop 13. Opa!
My dad used to call it the "Mugger Mover".
When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows.
What are you, stupid? The windows are already rolled up, and the doors are locked! This is Detroit, silly!
And now, for the place where I grew up. We're about to find the difference between livin' in Bama for eight years and livin' in Michigan for eighteen.
You Know You're From Michigan When...
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
True.
You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
Weren't they?
You can identify an Ohio accent.
Ustacould.
Owning a Japanese car is a hanging offense in your hometown.
We'd torture 'em first.
You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
Yoo-ker. That game really needs to catch on in the rest of the world. It's like spades, only more fun.
The Big Mac is something that you drive across.
Yup. The Five-Mile Bridge. Take that, teeny little gay Golden Gate!
You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
Ustadid.
Shoot, now "down south" for me means Brazil...
You bake with soda and drink pop.
Correct.
You drive 75 on the highway and you pass on the right.
More like 85, when I lived up there.
Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
Naw, we'd play through that crap.
If you've ever barbequed in a blizzard... you might be from Michigan.
You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.
That's true. I swear.
You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
Mack-i-naw. Been there. Walked the bridge.
The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.
Heh.
You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
Not personally, but the potential was there.
But I had to come to the South before I got rained on and blinded by the sun at the same time.
You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
...or Christmas.
...I've been through Hell!
At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.
Y'know, I thought U-M/MSU was a big rivalry 'til I came to Alabama.
But U-M/Ohio State is still the biggest.
You know what a millage is.
True, but not sure why it's funny.
Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
BWAHAHA!
Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
NOW ya know what I'm talkin' aboot!
You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.
Right hand, stupid. And it's right above that big round muscle that controls your thumb.
...ya hafta see it to understand.
You know what a "Yooper" is.
Say "Ya!" to da U.P., eh!
Your car rusts out before you need the brakes done.
Friggin' road salt.
Half the people you know say they are from Detroit... yet you don't personally know anyone who actually lives in Detroit.
Not exactly- it's more like I tell people from elsewhere in the country that I'm from Detroit, but tell Michiganders that I'm from the suburbs.
And now the truth is out- this is why the above "Detroit" list was so short for me.
You know what a pastie is.
Grew up on 'em. Would kill for one right now.
At least 25% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
More like 50.
Octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
Amen. Go Wings!
You know more about [wind-]chill factors and lake effect [snow] than you'd EVER like to know!
Geez, I miss snow.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
I take it back- I don't miss snow.
When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."
Oh, man. The Michigan Left. Get this. On any major street in the state, in order to make a left turn at an intersection, you have to turn right, go between a quater and half a mile, and then turn around. This keeps people from having to cross traffic. It is asinine and everybody hates it. Argh.
You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.
Heh. Gotta find the worms to go fishin', eh.
You never watch the Weather Channel - you can just assume they're wrong.
That's true. And it's not really very funny.
Oh, okay, yes it is. Heh. Another Dadism: "If you don't like the weather in Michigan, wait five minutes. It'll get worse."
Half your friends have a perfect sledding hill right in their own backyard.
So did I... *sigh*
S'all I got. I'm all writ out. Later.
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