I was gonna blog about this guy anyway...
So Tuesday evening I was watching the news, and everybody was talking about Southern California High-Speed Police Chase #712 (the number resets at the beginning of the year). I said, "Hey! It's The Moron's cousin, just on a motorcycle!" The Moron, since it's been a while (and I wasn't very specific at the time), was that idiot back in early April who was driving a white car with a purple flag or something hanging out the window. Don't know what ended up happening to The Moron, hopefully he's in jail. I believe he was Southern California High-Speed Police Chase #484, you can look it up.
So anyway. The guy on the bike will now be referred to as The Moron's Cousin. The Moron's Cousin weaved in and out of rush hour traffic, before doing the smart thing and pulling into a mall-parking-structure-sort-of-building, thus wittily evading the cops.
Okay, the "smart thing" would've been stopping the friggin' bike and explaining his actions, but give him a break. He's The Moron's Cousin. Can't expect too much from the guy.
But get this. The cops caught him yesterday- good job, guys- because he came to the police station trying to find his "stolen" bike.
Pardon me.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
(Bill Engvall mode)
Here's your sign, numbnuts.
(/Bill Engvall mode)
Check this out:
blah, blah, blah... details, details...
Ah. Here's the good part.
The pursuit began in the Newhall Pass area. Speeds reached 140 mph on freeways and surface streets.
I got a buddy who's had his crotch rocket up to that kind of speed. He does it on long, straight, empty stretches of road- not Metro LA at evening rush hour.
Authorities said a ground pursuit was terminated at that point, and air units were pursuing the motorcycle when visual contact was lost near a parking structure at the sprawling shopping center.
"Yay! I got away!"
Police found the motorcycle in the Glendale Galleria parking garage, but the biker had already fled inside the mall. Authorities said Rodriguez entered a store in the mall to purchase a hat after shedding his leather jacket and helmet.
This guy has seen too many movies... and probably played too much Grand Theft Auto.
Mall officials were alerted that a pursuit suspect was inside the facility. A clerk, who noticed the description matched, gave Rodriguez's credit card receipt to Glendale police, allowing officers to obtain his phone number.
You mean there's good citizens in SoCal who actually assist officers of the law? That gives me a warm fuzzy.
"We called him, and he then claimed that his motorcycle had been stolen last evening," said Officer Wendy Hahn of the California Highway Patrol.
"Man, I left my bike right there, man! Somebody ripped me off!"
"He was going to go to a highway patrol office and file a stolen report on the motorcycle."
Apparently unaware that the Higway Patrol were already all over his... um... dilemma.
CHP officers asked him to visit their office to identify the bike.
...hoping against hope that he was actually dumb enough to say yes.
Rodriguez was booked for felony evading and filing a false stolen-vehicle report, and was held on $75,000 bond. After questioning, he admitted he was the biker involved in Tuesday's pursuit.
I don't know about the false stolen-vehicle report. He's The Moron's Cousin- he probably really did think somebody stole his bike.
As for the rest, though, throw the frickin' book. I mean literally. Hit him in the head with it. Is it hardbound and heavy?
"He also said he was scared traveling at such high speed," Hahn said. "He thought he was going to die."
Uh, slow down?
Rodriguez was wanted on an arrest warrant for a previous speeding ticket, Hahn said. She said he had two suspended drivers licenses.
Not the least bit surprising. Tell him if the cops ever see him operating a motor vehicle again their orders are shoot to kill.
C'mon, LA. Does anyplace else in America have this kind of trouble with high-speed chases? If so, nobody hears about it. Clamp down. Now, in case you didn't read the post I wrote about The Moron, I think the cops are doing a great job. Seriously. They're being hampered by laws designed to protect criminals and screw over everybody else. LAPD needs to buy some tanks. Like some old M-60s, you can get 'em from the National Guard cheap. Whenever there's an idiot running from the cops, drive over them. Let it be known that if you wanna showboat for the helicopter cameras, it will result in you becoming an asphalt pancake in front of the whole country. I bet we'd see a sharp drop-off in high-speed chases.
A couple weeks ago they managed to corner somebody in a minivan. At the time they thought he was a kidnapper. Didn't follow up at the time, don't know the whole story. But I do know what I saw- they blocked him in and aimed a crapload of weapons at him. And when the idiot wouldn't get out- no problem. Fill his van with tear gas and let the dog have him. It was a thing of beauty- some fool who thought he was better than the cops being forcibly removed from his vehicle by method of German Shepherd teeth. Frickin' awesome. I wish I'd have recorded it. Do that a little more often, and most of the would-be chasees will have second thoughts. Maybe it would've helped The Moron's Cousin.
...naw, he's an idiot. He would've wound up doing something dumb.
Hat tip: Fark
Army NCO Guy decided you should know this at 1159 | TrackBack